Welcome to the 16th, 17th, and 18th editions of Poly Miss Manners! Feel free to submit your inquiries, feedback and Poly articles to polymanners@gaiyasgrove.com. Obligatory Disclaimer- Neither I, nor the "Poly Miss Manners" site/blog, are in ANY way affiliated with the regular "Miss Manners" otherwise known as Judith Martin, nor am I affiliated with either "Cunning Minx" (Presenter of the ULTRA FABULOUS Poly Weekly Podcast), nor the "Miss Poly Manners" featured on the Poly Weekly Podcast. Also, any information contained herein is meant for adult entertainment and research purposes ONLY. Follow this advice at your own risk!
Ok, I've been bad, and I need to be punished. (Just kidding!) After joining the local kinky social club, I've been swept up in new scenes, classes, adventures and friendships. It's been a blast, but I haven't forgotten about the blog (it just takes me a bit longer to collect my thoughts, distill them into something legible, and post something halfway decent and useful).
There have been weird happenings, abundant awesomeness, and plenty of new developments with my live-in partner...but those stories are for another time (and another blog!)...
Without further ado, on to the PolyMissManners posts!
( Introducing new lovers to current friends/lovers )
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( Get over yourself, already! )
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( Lover(s) feeling under the weather? )
Alright, there you have it! Short, sweet and to the point! Thanks for reading, until next time...
-PolyMissManners
This week deals with Secondaries in Poly relationships:
( 'Secondary' does NOT equal 'Second-class Citizen' )
Welcome to the 14th edition of Poly Miss Manners! Feel free to submit your inquiries, feedback and Poly articles to polymanners@gaiyasgrove.com. Obligatory Disclaimer- Neither I, nor the "Poly Miss Manners" site/blog, are in ANY way affiliated with the regular "Miss Manners" otherwise known as Judith Martin, nor am I affiliated with either "Cunning Minx" (Presenter of the ULTRA FABULOUS Poly Weekly Podcast), nor the "Miss Poly Manners" featured on the Poly Weekly Podcast. Also, any information contained herein is meant for entertainment and research purposes ONLY. Follow this advice at your own risk!
This week we deal with being "The Other Woman..."
From DragonWolf:
I met a very nice gentleman recently who seemed to really like me. He said that he has a girlfriend already and when I explained that I am Polyamorous he decided that we should hook up. I don't mind that he has another girlfriend, but I don't think she knows about me, and when I've asked him about it, he changes the subject.
Am I wrong for feeling creeped out by this?
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With a name like "DragonWolf" why would you sit idly by while this man takes advantage of you? Break out that growl! Breathe some fire into this issue!
What he's doing right now is treating you with an enormous amount of disrespect...and it's not just you. He's also treating his pre-existing girlfriend poorly by not telling her about you. And what he's doing sounds an awful lot like cheating.
Changing the subject is his way of both deflecting and shirking responsibility for his role in the situation, and that is complete and utter bullshit. Demand that he treat you fairly, that he show you some respect, that he show his girlfriend some respect and courtesy, and hold him accountable for his actions.
If he's not going to be honest about what he's doing and who he's dating, he's not worth your time or attention. Ditch the cheater and find someone who will practice ethical Polyamory with you.
-PolyMissManners
This week's post is in response to several emails regarding being "outed" as Poly. My opinion and advice on this subject is simple:
It is a long-standing thought that no one really knows anyone else, at least, not utterly and completely. With that in mind, can you truly know everything going on in your friends', lovers' or family members' lives, hearts and minds?
Like it or not, discrimination is still alive and well, and there are people who feel the need to remain closeted...work-related concerns, children, family issues, religious reasons, community relations...the list goes on. I'm very fortunate to live in an area with vibrantly thriving Poly, GLBT, Alternative religions and kink communities. I also do not have children, and my employer is accepting of those with less-than-mainstream lifestyles. Other folks are not so lucky. So, before anyone decides to "out" someone else, stop and think for a moment. Try to see things from their point of view - will they lose their job, their kids, their home?
I believe it demonstrates a remarkable amount of consideration to not only inquire about your friends' or lovers' preferences, but to respect and adhere to those preferences as much as possible. Some people (myself included) cannot stand the frustration of being in a closet; others feel it is absolutely necessary. What works for me may not work for someone else, and while it would drive me nuts to live a hidden, secret life behind closed doors, it would NOT be appropriate to insist that any of my friends or lovers be as open.
Share your thoughts by replying here, or emailing the address listed above. Be safe, be sane, stick to consensual arrangements, and have a happy weekend, everyone!
Welcome to the 12th edition of Poly Miss Manners! Feel free to submit your inquiries, feedback and Poly articles to polymanners@gaiyasgrove.com. Obligatory Disclaimer- Neither I, nor the "Poly Miss Manners" site/blog, are in ANY way affiliated with the regular "Miss Manners" otherwise known as Judith Martin, nor am I affiliated with either "Cunning Minx" (Presenter of the ULTRA FABULOUS Poly Weekly Podcast), nor the "Miss Poly Manners" featured on the Poly Weekly Podcast. Also, any information contained herein is meant for entertainment and research purposes ONLY. Follow this advice at your own risk!
This week's post is more of a contemplation on jealousy and its ramifications (this is also cross-posted on my personal journal)...
A book has been sitting on my shelf for several years; it really belongs to my roommate/live-in, but I've been wanting to thumb through its pages for a while. The subject matter? A scientific, biological approach to love and other emotions. Specifically, it covers the psychobiology of love. Thus far it has proved a rather interesting read.
Tonight's devouring of pages warrants a bit of further contemplation and (I believe) continued research...
From "A General Theory of Love":
Jealousy alerts a mammal to the potential usurpation of reproductive chances.
Hmm...interesting. In that case, from a purely scientific point of view, would it really be a stretch of the imagination to think that someone who has made a conscious choice to forgo producing offspring (such as myself) would have a better shot at coping with and eventually overcoming jealousy?
If we think of it in those terms, could it be possible to "trick" our brains and hearts into not feeling jealousy at all? Could a more refined and scientific approach actually serve to help those caught by the green-eyed monster break free of its grasp? I would LOVE to see or participate in or conduct a study of Polyamorous folks who have chosen not to reproduce, and see how/why/if they truly have more success at overcoming jealousy (and perhaps if they are able to more easily discover and feel what many believe is the polar opposite of jealousy: compersion). I would also like to know how various Poly folk interpret the journey from one state of emotions to the other - what started them on their path, what hang-ups/buttons/biases have they encountered along the way, do they still find themselves in situations where jealousy is sparked and how do they cope, do they feel they have ever experienced compersion and how was it accomplished, do they believe it is possible to completely banish jealousy and why, what drives them to keep trying, etc.
Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? C'mon, give me your feedback!Alright, everyone, welcome back! Assuming all goes well in the next few days, the PolyMissManners blog should be back on a somewhat regular schedule. Hey, I'm working the Inauguration Parade Route, and I have a 30+ hour "workday" Jan. 20th, so cut me some slack! ;-P
This week's post concerns double booking dates. I should mention that I'm not a fan of the practice...full disclosure, honesty, disclaimer and all that. So, without further ado...
( Double-booking Dates...Yea or Nay? )
Anyone have some thoughts to share?
Have a safe and happy holiday season, and keep those emails coming!
Due to multiple inquiries, I will not be posting specific emails/names, but will instead post only my responses. These editions deal with asking for what you want in a relationship.
( Tell me what you want! )
Also,
( Tell me what you DON'T want! )
It will be up this evening, so stay tuned!
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